Hi Linda
I think that his whole body showing signs that he had gambled is something to make you be more on your guard than usual. Your partner is not using any support in his attempt to live gamble-free and dry-gambling is often the way that a CG with the idea that he doesn’t need support can handle himself for a while until complacency takes over and money becomes involved again.
The traits are every bit to be feared as the loss of money – in my opinion more so. It is the traits that screw up the non-CG more than loss of money. Loss of money, I think, is the visible pointer to the addiction but not the cause. Loss of money is something the non-CG can see and I think makes the gamble easier for us to understand. In the meantime worrying about your partner’s behaviour is not giving you joy, peace or happiness. He is worrying you and that worry is something that maybe ***** to be addressed. He is pushing his boundaries by going out with his mates and staying out until the wee hours on a regular basis. CGs who want a life-time being gamble-free recognise and stop pushing their boundaries as part of their acceptance of their addiction.
I have said I will put something on to the forum about dry-gambling and hope to do so in the next few days but in essence your partner is possibly gambling in his head with his phone in the loo. Dry-gamblers give reign to their addiction without using money but when (not if) the money comes back into the equation; they can gamble money with a vengeance. The gamble in their heads is to try and satisfy their addiction but without others, who understand them, supporting them and encouraging them to a more positive approach they, stumble. I have yet to hear of anyone who has cracked this addiction without support.
I certainly don’t want to frighten you but I would not be true to myself if I did not pose the thought to you that your partner might have not have lost money for about 4 months but from the behaviour you have mentioned he has not been gamble-free.
Don’t underestimate the power of the addiction. You turned the router off and he was p….. off and ***** – which are signs of an active addiction although, I accept, could also be signs of just having his freedom to do as he wished removed. Whichever though,the fact that no money was lost was not, unfortunately, clear evidence that he had not been gambling.
Stay vigilant and keep on the ball as you have been doing.
V
