stan’s girl

Hi at crossroads,
I’m so glad you’re here.  I’m a compulsive gambler and my boyfriend reached his limit with me.
The first piece of advice I can give you is that you need to protect yourself and your money.  My boyfriend did the following:
1.  Cut me off of all access to his money.  He took me off his bank accounts, credit cards…absolutely everything.
2.  Asked me if I was serious about changing things.  I told him yes.  He then asked for all my credit cards and debit cards.
3.  We then opened up two joint bank accounts.  The first one is where my pay cheque would be automatically deposited.  The second is the one I use for my personal use (gas for my car, buying a coffee or lunch).  As soon as my pay cheque is deposited, he transfers all funds into his personal account for the bills and I only have access to whatever he deems fit.
4.  He made it perfectly clear that all money is to be accounted for and if I cannot provide receipts etc. that he’s out…done, it’s over.
5.  He told me that I need to ban myself from the casinos (not sure if that’s helpful to you or not) and provide him documentation proving I did it.
6.  I was to get therapy/counselling/go to GA…whatever I needed to get help.  I chose individual counselling and online support (this site and others).
He basically told me I either do all this or pack my bags.  That was enough for me.  Be prepared though, if you decide that you want to follow this route, he may choose to leave.  Addiction is a powerful thing.
Stan also told me that I needed to be honest and talk to him about all my gambling secrets.  How I manage to *** to get money, when I would gamble, what sneaky tricks I use.  This took time to disclose because of the shame of it all, but once I started spilling my guts and he was supportive about it I found it much easier.
The best thing you can do for yourself is set up boundaries and make those clear to him.  Let him know what you expect and what the consequences will be if he doesn’t live up to his end of the bargain…and be prepared to follow through!
Well, that’s about all I have for now.   
Take care of yourself.
Life isn’t that difficult…people make it difficult.  It’s simple, let go and move on OR hold on and stay stuck.– 03/01/2013 21:43:34: post edited by Velvet.