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Hi Kathryn:  I don’t believe I’ve ever posted on your thread, but want you to know that I am pulling for you and sending positive thoughts and strength your way.  It is painful to witness your rollercoaster ride of anger, pain, guilt for your kids and pity for your husband’s attempts at making it right.  Wow … what an unbelievable kick in the pants.  I’ve been reading for a couple of days now and I’m so glad to hear that you believe counselling is your only solution.  I think you need a professional, unbiased third party to help you to think straight.
Don’t ever feel badly for crying … this is a grieving process.  The world you know has changed dramatically, the earth has tilted on its axis.  I can’t imagine your pain and I am certain that I would react with exactly the same rage. 
I am so thrilled for you that you haven’t let this derail you … I know it would be a great temptation.  But with all the stress you have now, gambling will be the straw that breaks you.  Don’t let it happen.  (I know … MUCH easier said than done!)  Keep up the strength … even in your darkest hour, you are an inspiration to me.
My thoughts are with you through this crazy journey.
Hugs,  RG