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Guys are definitely not the best advice/support givers to woman that are an emotional wreck.  But, it’s in some of our natures to at least give it an attempt.  So, I hope you will look past my "logical guy way of thinking" and be able to take away from my post the comfort that I intend for it to give.
I have a strong faith in God.  I don’t always comport myself in a way that reflects the truths that I believe from His word, but I never doubt the validity of those truths and strive to be better when I allow them to take center stage in my consciousness. 
So, here’s what I’ve got for you…if you are willing to accept it.
Everything happens in God’s timing and there is always a reason.  Believe me, I’ve had many a disagreement with God over things that He’s put in my path…but, I’ve always been able to look back at those trials, and if nothing else, see the sense in the "timing".  You say that it would have been better if you would have known about this child BEFORE you and your husband did all of the hard work to strengthen your relationship.  Do you really believe that?  Does knowing about this child diminish what you two have built together?  Would it have been easier to "chuck it all" at the first moment of the challenges you faced to get to where you are in your relationship, had you known about the child?  Would it have been better to find out about this child while you were still knee deep in your addiction?
I guess what I am trying to say is that your mariaige is strong enough to handle this news.  Your sobriety is strong enough to handle this news.  YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS NEWS.  And I hope your husband, your daughter and (selfishly) all of us get to see God’s strength work in you as you get through this difficult trial.  Because, I have faith in God and I have faith in you, Kathryn.
Now, you can go back to venting your raw emotions…I know it helps and I’m not trying to discourage you from coming in here wounded and bleeding your feelings out on these pages.   I hope it helps to know that you don’t have to be strong on your own and that God has also placed this forum in your path during a time in your life where it can be a well from which you can draw upon. 
I hope I haven’t offended you with my beliefs. 
I’d give you a big hug (even though my shirt would get all wet).