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I feel sick to my stomach today…tomorrow hes going to see them.  I have just had a big talk with my girl, i asker her how she really felt about it..she is taking it in her stride, she just wants to know for sure, as do i and i think once we do we can move forward.  I also talked about the things that might happen with this child, the visit and all that.  I have told her that no matter what, she needs to do what is right for her. I dont want her doing or not doing what she wants because she will hurt my feelings.  Regardless of what happens, i am hurt, and i told her that but i also told her that i WOULD be alright. It is all about her and what she wants to happen and when.  I also said that she would be a part of any discussion in regards to the kids visiting the girl.
I am going to see my sister tonight, for tea and to tell her whats going on.  I have told Dames i am going to my GA meeting, he is a private person and wouldnt want me to say anything but i have to talk to my sister.  As with recovery, i am doing what i need to do. After that im coming home to talk to him.  I need to find out what he plans to say, what he will say about my family.  I dont want them to know that Brea knows, i feel it will open a can of worms and im not prepared for me or Brea to be put in a position she does not want to be in.  We dont even know if the test will come back positive yet and i dont want anything else planned, 1.without my input and 2.until we know for sure.
I asked Dames last night what the slut/mother looked like.  He told me she was fat and ugly.  I said i didnt believe him and then he said there is a photo of her at his brothers.  When she faxed the photo of the girl, there was a photo of her as well.  I need to see that photo. I need that woman to be fat and ugly.  I need to ease my mind that she is not a blonde, gorgeous skinny thing.  I do see her as a threat, i know she is married, but i know the other women will understand, its a vanity thing.  I need to be better than her.  Make sense…hmmmm maybe i am going crazy.
Anyway, you will all be pleased to know that i havent shed a tear today.  Im saving them up for tomorrow!!!!
Again, thanks to all of you who posted, it keeps me busy and i do believe my insanity may just be helping you not think about your gambling…..isnt it better when someone has a drama you can focus on!!!!have a great day all, you are all my friends and i am truly grateful
Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time