It is good seeing you write down how things are going as you work through everything that is happening. It can help you see what is important to focus on amidst the hurt; being able to talk to your daughter and your sister and your husband and taking the time to come on here and try to explain it all. Some of the anger will go with each time you describe how you feel.
Keep on being kind to yourself as much as you can and remembering all the good stuff you do and how well you are doing. As you said you will be alright.
Thanks for your comments to me about self excluding. I went along this morning, talked about it and signed the papers! It went really well and I signed for the maximum time of 2 years. As I said when he asked how long – I’m not going anymore so give me the most time I can. I felt strong and certain that it was the right choice. He also gave me a contact for counselling so I will ring to organise that. I am going to do everything that is offered to make sure I do this properly. I did feel a little sad or some sort of feeling as I was driving home that it was all over, but I have felt so much more alive and happy this week. On to new ways to fill our lives. Thank you so much for encouraging me and being generous with your advice.
Take care and thinking of you tomorrow.