Ive just had the big chat with Harry, thanks H by the way and have come back to answer my own post.
Right then, i am dealing with my feelings, something i am so not used to because i would just go and gamble and ignore. This is a new thing for me, so i have to start retraining myself. Once i calmed down, well, really, what has changed…nothing. He scraped the inside of his mouth with a little brush. So what?
I am going to deal with this, theres nothing i can change in this scenario. Except the way i think. Yes, it isnt fair, but is it fair that im a compulsive gambler? Maybe not, but im facing it head on and trying to change my life for the better. I need to apply that thinking to the rest of my life. Whatever the outcome is, although i think i will be devastated for a minute, i can get through it. I havent been able to read my post since this started, and i dont know if i ever will cause i havent a clue what i wrote. I may be heading for a new normal with Sasha, but then, im in a new normal now.
Not all change is bad, and i have to say a lot of good has come from the past month, in terms of my relationship with Dames. We are not going to change as a married couple, we are still married with 3 beautiful children. Ive just re-read that last sentance and it has hit me like a ton of bricks.
I have a lot to be thankful for, more than i realise. Acceptance, well, like the serenity prayer says, accept the things i cannot change, and this is one of those things.
Bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time