Im feeling fantastic today, not sure why, i feel full of hope. A wierd feeling to wake up to but im taking it, my neck pain has gone so thats proboably part of it.
I know this is going to sound strange, but today i realised the enormity of this site. I have posted quite a bit this morning but ive been thinking about every post i write and recieve. It is an amazing thing, to know that someone, on the other side of the world, who you have never met, has taken the time to sit down and not only read but reply to something i have written. I think that is HUGE. Its never quite hit me before, and i find it one of the most comforting feelings. Maybe thats it…maybe its not hope, but contentment i am feeling? Whatever it is, i wouldnt mind waking up with it everyday.
Gambling is always in the back of my mind, i think it always will be, but i am truly becoming (Harry, you will love this) AWARE. Its almost like a wave washing over me, i have a thought, and my mind tells me to let it go. Its extrodinary, considering 3 months ago i would have a thought, and i would be in the car 5 seconds later and within 2 minutes i would be sitting at a machine, pumping in the money.
I dont know how this happened, i just know that i will not gamble today because i want to keep this feeling, the one i have right now. Maybe im also realising just how lucky i am, to have such wonderful caring friends here, and on the homefront, my family is ok, so im ok. I was always so used to a drama, a drama i created that it has taken me a long time to learn to cope without one, although i did have a major one as you all know, but really it was the first one that was not related to gambling and i got through, only just at times.
Anyway, maybe im being nostalgic, maybe im having a lightbulb moment, maybe today, im just glad to be alive, healthy and yes, i think i can say happy.
Have a great day everyone, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxFighting the good fight…One day at a time