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Hi Kathryn,  I read with interest your comments on Velvets thread.  The things that we put in our subconcious, likeyour Dad’s death.  For the past month I have been studing "Dianetics", the science of the brain.  It is actually called, "Scientology" and has been around for over 50 years.  It speaks to alot of issues you are facing now, remembering and recalling hurtful episodes in our lives, acknowledging them  and erasing them from our reactive mind they no longer have the effect that they have on us.  These bad memories are called engrams and can harm us emotionally until we clear them out of our minds.   We make think we have handled these hurts well but in reality, we have only buried them.  If you are interested, let me know. I will send you their web address and you can check it out for yourself.  I find it fasinating and learning everyday about just what hurtful memories can do to us.   Like gambling for instance.  We bury these engrams and wonder why we are feeling so bad.  Certain events can trigger the feeling, without us even knowing why because they are buried so deep.  With Scientology, we learn to recall those engrams and release them.   It’s hard to explain without further study.  It takes time to read the principles and to understand it all.
Hope all is well kathryn.  It was good to hear from you on my thread.  I’m still waiting to hear about my granddaughter. I should know soon.  Danielle