Marcus just made and interesting point on his thread about wanting to lose, and i wanted to explore it a little further. That remark really hit home for me this morning, i had forgotten, putting in note after note, wanting to win, but in reality just wanting to be rid of this money so i could go home, so i could be free from it. And then the cycle would start again the next day. Where i am, depending on the season, the venue closes from between 1am and 3am. I called it my panic poke, once they said the time they were closing, i would run around like a lunatic, shoving money in wherever i could, because there would only be half an hour or so left.
My adrenalin would be rushing through my body, only a little more time to win big! And then it would be time to leave, with nothing of course….
Its a great reminder of the insane nature of this addiction, like when you think a machine is ‘lucky’. Or god forbid, there is a new machine i had never seen, i was on it like a seagull to a chip!
All i can say now, is that i dont feel that way today. I know, that i cant gamble today and if i do, i would imagine it would be 10 times worse.
Better go, my bestie is here for coffee. Have a great day all, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!