Colin and Meg, thanks for your posts. I wasnt going to post till tomorrow, but considering my MIL is here i may not have a chance so ill do it now while its fresh in my mind. And yes Meg, i was tested….
I went for dinner for work tonight, at a venue i used to gamble in. Its the first time i have been anywhere near machines since i have stopped and while i wasnt stressed at the thought, it did make me a little nervous knowing i would be in such close proximity to them.
Anyway, dinner was lovely, enjoyed the food (when dont i?, especially the brandy snap basket dessert…..to die for!!) I was chatting with 2 of my co-workers and they wanted to go and play the pokies. I said i didnt play. Well, they wanted to know why and asked, and asked…so i told them. I am excluded and i cant go in. They started laughing, thought i was joking until i said, no, seriously, i cant go in, i have a gambling addiction. They said, lets go for a smoke, so we did and i told them about my addiction, i didnt go into huge detail, but enough for them to know how bad it was for me. They (one in particular) started telling me how much they liked the pokies, and this is when i started to feel a little, i dont know, pang, chest tightening, something that made me very uncomfortable.
I told them i didnt advertise it, and i know one will not say anything…the other is a different story and it will proboably be all around work next week but…i told them i am not ashamed of it, that i am a cg and its made me who i am and i have to deal with it every day. And i am dealing with it. I told them when we went back in that i would be going home. I didnt enjoy hearing all about their experiences, all good of course. The mouthy one told me that if her husband didnt have control over the finances she would be in trouble. She was the one that laughed the loudest. I dont know if she has a problem, but that is for her to decide. Anyway, we went in and i left, but not before they called out to me and walked into the pokies smiling and waving. Now, i dont think it was malicious, but i had quite the urge on the drive home, thank goodness Rick James was singing SuperFreak on the radio, he certainly got my mind off it!! lol.
So, i survived. I am not planning to go to dinner at a venue any time soon. I wouldnt say im glad i went, i never want to be in a position to test myself, but this is reality, these things come up. Its nice to know that i went and walked out without gambling. I really think if i had gone in they wouldnt have known who i was, with my hair done and make up done i proboably looked completely different from the miserable photo taken of me when i excluded. Im not willing to find out. I can now go to bed with a clear conscience, knowing i had enough tools to get me through.
I hope you all have a wonderful, gamble free day.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!