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Ms. K:  I’m sorry to hear of your frustrations.  I suppose it’s normal for Dames to be a little suspicious … we do give them good reason.  However, what I don’t think is fair is that he won’t look at the proof.  Perhaps it’s time to get him more involved in the bill payments etc.  Perhaps let him handle things for a month or two.  My husband leans a bit toward mistrust as well, even though I haven’t really used household funds without informing him of it.  His problem is that he forgets (or just doesn’t pay attention) when I tell him I’ve used money for things other than what they were allocated.  That drives me wild!!  He will always come back and say "I don’t remember you saying that!"  Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to push my buttons.
Anyway … it’s been a bit since I’ve popped in.  Congratulations, by the way, on Brea’s success.  She sounds like such a lovely, balanced girl.  All of your children sound like a blessing.
I must say I was more than a little concerned when you went to the casino for dinner the other night.  That is only because I know how I would have been in the same situation.  I’m very happy that you came out safe … but as you and I both know, it could have easily been the other scenario.  Don’t put that kind of stress on yourself, my friend.  It does nothing but harm your sense of inner peace.
Last Thursday, I went to my first group therapy.  What an incredibly lovely experience.  (No, I am not healed yet … lol!!)  I must say I was dreading facing people … I was petrified that I’d run into someone I knew … but that didn’t happen.  The facilitator was a lovely, peaceful man  … someone who just sets you at ease immediately.  Anyway, what was most interested was the guided meditation at the end.  Heavens, what an experience.  The idea is to experience what it is like to be present in the moment.  The Power of Now and all that.  My first sensation was that my body was lobsided …like one of my shoulders was far out of alignment.  Then, I got the floaty sensation of being alone in a very wide open space.  I could sense my feet on the floor and my bum in my seat … I can’t explain it … like being alone in a wide open universe with the only solid thing being under my feet.  Weird, I know … but lovely.  I CAN tell you that I’ve had many moments since then just bringing myself into the present.  Allowing myself to enjoy the mundane things … just like I am right now.  Making myself aware that I am writing to a good friend miles and miles away, smiling as I’m typing, feeling the keys and being aware of my fingers moving.  Its SO neat …
I know I’m only telling you about the zen part … but I was blown away by it.  I can’t wait to go back on Thursday … they really do a lot of work on behavioural change.  I can’t wait to see what we’re doing this week.  I know they’re having a Xmas breakfast and I have to bring a wrapped ornament … so sounds like fun too.  I also have an appointment (one-on-one) on Wednesday … so let’s just see where this goes.
I am back on the train with you my friend … I’m in that 2,000th car right at the end, but I’m going to let your strength keep pulling me on this journey and I’m going to put some power into the back of the train to push you along too.  Keep going … you are a lovely, wonderful spirit and I am proud to know you.  (I can just picture you dancing and singing with the seniors … or the "olds" as you call them??? LOL!!)
Bye for now … I know this is a very deep post … I hope I didn’t lose you in the depths !
Love and hugs,
 This moment is all we really have.  Be happy in it.