I have been wanting to post all day, but there are 2 reasons i havent. Firstly, i went to the sales today and whilst i didnt get much and didnt think much of it, my daughter had a ball, so it was worth the trip. She is starting to buy things in readyness for her moving out, which will proboably not be for at least a year so by then she will have a house load!!!
The second reason i have been putting off posting is that i have been thinking for the last 2 days about what my christmas could have been like if Fester (i know, i said it, last time i promise) had been right. I know she wasnt, i know things turned out how we had hoped, but my god, how on earth would i have handled it. I am so thankful that i dont ever have to find out. I think maybe it made me even more grateful about my family. Maybe because a new year is looming around the corner….this time last year i would have been at a venue, throwing my money away. Who knew that halfway through the year something so huge would hit this house that my life was completely turned upside down and inside out. I have always said that things happen for a reason, and never has it been more true than this year. I was meant to stop gambling when i did, so as i could deal with the paternity nightmare with a clear head. I truly think that if i had been gambling, Dames and i would not have made it through, because of course, i wouldnt have been here. We would not have talked all those nights about what was happening, we would have grown further apart and i dont think our relationship would have survived it all.
Jode said something interesting to me last night, she said that she used to come over (i of course was gambling) Christmas night (i also never knew) and when she drove into my driveway last night, she was gripped with fear that my car wouldnt be in the driveway and i had gone gambling. Of course, i was home, but it just made me realise how much those around me were affected during those years. I missed out on a lot.
Anyway, i needed to get those thoughts out, i havent spoken to Damian about it all and i dont know if i really need to, i dont like dredging things up usually, but i have to say, you were all there for me and i know you understand how my head was (or wasnt) during that time. Ive said before, this time of year makes me nostalgic.
I have truly enjoyed Christmas this year, everything that has happened in the last 6 months has bought me here, and im quite happy where i am right now.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxLife is about falling….living is about getting up!