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Hi All,
Yesterday was a quiet day for me, i didnt do much at all and now im very cross with myself because the mountain, and i mean mountain of laundry i need to fold is outrageous!!!
I took Brea for her driving lesson yesterday, the little man who took her was very funny and she enjoyed it.  He seems to think she will be ready in about 4 weeks, but she wants 5, she’s petrified, we will see how she goes.  Unfortunately for Brea, she seems to think she knows everything already(dont all 18 year olds) and when i try and tell her something she has missed, she gets a bit stroppy with me, but hey, i want her to get that licence first time round and if i have to badger her, i bloody well will!!!
I had a lot of time to think yesterday, very dangerous i know…lol.  But im not feeling complete.  I dont know if that makes sense, im not looking for excitement, i just feel something inside is missing.  Anyway, i have decided to have a bit of counselling to work through some stuff.  Maybe because im turning 40 this year, not in a midlife crisis kind of way, but i want to be at peace with myself, my choices and decisions i have made, not just with my gambling, but throughout my life.  Everything that has happened during my life has really led me to where i am today.  So i think its time to have a look at it all and perhaps put some things to rest.
Gosh, thats very deep for me so early in the morning…lol. 
On Sunday, Jodies partner rang me and asked if we would like to go out for dinner with them to the golf club.  Now the golf club was my hellhole, so naturally i said no.  I told him i had already organised our dinner and it was cooking right now.  Then i thought, hang on, thats not why…so i said to him, you know i cant go there, im addicted to gambling and i just cant go.  He said, yes i know!! I know Jode has told him and im totally fine with it, i guess he didnt think at the time. Anyway, we enjoyed rissoles and vegetables at home and all sat around the table together. I truly dont think i would have enjoyed dinner there, knowing that 10 feet away was the 100 machines that ruled my life.
On another note, Jode and i have decided that next year we are going to go to Los Angeles for a holiday.  Just the 2 of us, im astounded at how affordable it is.  We went to Bali when we were 30, and now at 40 we are having another one.  So that will be something to look forward to.  We are opening a bank account and depositing money every week.  I, of course will have no access, i dont want to tempt fate there. I checked to see if my passport was current, which it is but what knocked me for 6 was the photo…i was as fat as a house!!! My chin and my chest seemed all in one, the ‘turkey gobble’ was enormous.  Surely i dont look like that now, im hoping i will need another photo, cause i cant see how that looks like me at all!!! And if it does, i will be sorely dissapointed my friends!!! lol
Ok, enough from me for today, you all have a wonderful, gamble free day, i really need to go and fold the laundry but i may do a couple of posts first, i dont even want to look at it!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
 Life is about falling….living is about getting up!