Originally posted on Fresh start page in responce runninggirl Re: Day Two is Still a Day Away by paul315
… I need to read back on your thread a bit to see how things are progressing for you in your life. I hope all is well … I’m sure that like me, you’re starting to enjoy life as it is meant to be enjoyed.
This moment is all we really have. Be happy in it.
Things are going pretty good for me on my journey of being gambling free. So good in fact, I have a slight guilty feeling about the ease of my struggles compared to the extreme hard times of some others. I do share many of the same difficulties and fight the same urges, but so far I have been able to struggle through the difficulties and control the urges. I also realize that, although I have been able to face my adversities head-on the challenges are nevertheless strong and unceasing, and are just as real as those of others. I can only pray that this success is not just a fly-by-night venture, but will prove out to be a lasting one. For like you, "While I hate what I have done to myself by gambling, I love this new awareness that the recovery process has brought to me" and the enjoyment of normal everyday activities and interactions with friends and family – again like you, I am " starting to enjoy life as it is meant to be enjoyed." My compulsive gambling has robbed me of these pleasures, plus many other things, for the past few years.
My first couple of weeks in the program were very hard in that I was flooded with a barrage of emotions associated with remorse: guilt, shame, sorrow, regret, anguish and any other adjective describing the anguish that I went through. On top of this, when going to my first GA meeting I believed that I was going to have to face humiliation and embarrassment; and, that I would be ridiculed when people finally learned of my foolishness and weakness. I also had the same fears that I read about here of facing criminal actions for writing an extended series of bad checks.
I can only thank God for the strength I was given, and my fellow gamblers here and at GA who provided all their input and support (my 3G’s Team – God, GT, and GA), whereby I was able to examine by options and take the proper steps – in addition to the GA Twelve. Although I was humbled at the GA meeting, I did not feel the humiliation and embarrassment that I feared; we were all on equal footing with the same issues. My family and friends accepted my condition with love and understanding and encouraging praises for my courage – I do have one brother who reacted with derisive remarks but he is a negative sort of a person and his criticism only gave me his unintentional support. I am also involved in an ongoing and distant separation from my new family, and while they now know of what I have become during our separation, I need to deal more with the unintended consequence of my gambling on them.
As for the bad checks, I was able to work out a plan directly with the check guarantee companies instead of collection agencies and the courts, thus avoiding facing prosecution and even higher legal fees. I guess that the extravagant fees that the check guaranteers are receiving (in addition to the high fees already collected by my bank) is more advantages to them then selling off the bad checks at a discount to a collection agency.
Well this is how things have been progressing in my life. To reach this point, I have a constant prayer in my heart, I go once a week to GA meeting, spend countless hours on the GT site and a couple of others, and walk in fear each time I am at a nearby casino.
My very best wishes to you on your journey.
Sorry for the extended posting but this documentation is good therapy and help for me.
Copy also posted to my Journal page.Larry"Day Two is Still a Day Away" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.