Day 120 Gambling Free — Month Four
Sunday, December 13, 2009
"Be patient! The days and weeks will pass soon enough, and as you regularly attend meetings, abstain from gambling and follow the guidelines, you will experience continued recovery" -From GA’s Yellow Book, Instructions for New Members
Edited to include the daily email received from Ken L, copied below. It is unbelievable that this is today’s reading and that it repeats words that I have shared in past GA meetings – I am not only not alone in my recovery, but I am not alone in my thoughts.
Thinking back to Aug 13, I know for certainty that if on that day I would have Pledged not to gamble for four months using only my own strength, that I would most likely have not stayed gambling free past that very day, my payday, and most surely the 20th, my next one. It is easy to see how all my past futile attempts failed. I saw this same truth at my One Month milestone. There I posted: "While I am very pleased that I can make this statement today, I find it hard to believe. I can not start to name the times that I hopelessly said that I would not gamble for one month, or for one week or even a week-end. I have also tried, and failed, to condition my gambling until a certain event, like the next full moon, or I would only gamble if I won a hand of Solitaire, or until my next payday. The problems with those past attempts were that; one – they were giving me the option to gamble again, so when I slipped I merely resumed gambling earlier then planned, not failed in my goal (although, I did on occasion keep my word not to gamble until my next payday, but, when I often failed at this goal, it cost me even more in the high overdraft and returned check fees); and , two – the time frames I set, even the "one week" or "few days" restrictions, left open too big a gap for outside influences to weaken my reserve." (see addendum in p.s.below)
Today, I again recognize my frailties during the past where I would stop and then slip, repeating this same pattern over and over. Now, and since Day Two, I find that I do not stop and slip and have to start over again; I am able to do this by not allowing myself to give in to any spur-of-the-moment urges or irrational reasonings, or to unrealistic hopes and fantasies – "My Elusive Dreams and Schemes", — not allowing myself to succumb to the relentless drawing power of gambling or to be sidetracked from my efforts, not allowing myself to gamble for only that one day – One Day At A Time.
I say I do this by not allowing myself to gamble; this is true for I believe that we are in control of our actions and we make the choices. While saying this I also recognize that sometimes, and even often, this control is weaken by outside influences that results in us making imponderable choices. But, by turning our behaviors over to our Higher Power and with using the necessary help from others, these unexplainable events will diminish, and with time, be a part of our past.
The strength I need comes from God, the help I need comes from all of you, my Fellow Gambles.
God bless you all.
p.s.:today’s email from ken L:
Today’s thought from Hazelden is:
You have to live on this 24 hours of daily time. Out of it you have to spin health, pleasure, money, content, respect, and the evolution of your mortal soul. Its right use, its most effective use, is a matter of highest urgency.
We have 24 hours to accomplish all we need tor mental, physical, and spiritual growth. Just because morning meditations have been read, the work or school day is completed, and the day is waning doesn’t mean growth time is over.
The first 12 hours of a day are usually spent housecleaning, raising children, working, running errands, and so on. By the time the activities have ended, we’re ready for the second 12 hours: contemplation, relaxation, communication with family and friends, socializing, eating dinner, going to a meeting, sleeping.
Our most effective use of each day means believing we can accomplish something. There is time to be grateful for each day’s experiences. There is time to build relationships with ourselves and others. Each day there is time to grow.
I did add to my simular words, that this leaves very little time to gamble; to have more gambling time, we have to deprive ourselves of sleep and the responcibilities and happyness in everyday life.
"Day Two Is Now, Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will not have to relive a Day 2.
— 12/13/2009 6:30:19 PM: post edited by paul315.