I cannot tell you what to do but I feel that any more emails and texts to someone who is saying they want to be left alone is only going to aggravate that person and the situation and not help. As you have found in the past communications can be twisted and I am sure your son is quite aware that you love him but does not understand that love.
Your quiet, best ***** have been when you were separated by lack of communication. Communication, I think, can be enabling when it is being abused by the CG. Your son has turned his phone off – his choice. If your son is gambling it is his choice. All the texts, messages and talking seem to be achieving little and in my opinion, it is because he is determined to prove that he can keep his addiction in the face of all those who care, as long as he gets confirmation that you are all still there doing the soul-destroying for him.
I agree with Geordie that we cannot know rock bottom. We would consider that sleeping rough, not even having our own clothes to stand up in, going to prison would be rock bottom but we are not CGs. I believe it to be a mental state too and we cannot fathom it.
From all you say it is doubtful whether he still had a job when he turned up on your doorstep and maybe there was no payday and has been no further gamble – just a web of lies but it makes little difference.
Hubby is right to worry about ‘your’ metal state. Both of you, in my view, need to look after yourselves. It is good that your friends are really trying to understand. Maybe the four of you can help each other build a life separate from the gambling that is causing so much distress and talk about other things and focus on other things whilst knowing the understanding is there.
Dear Looby – in my opinion, you, your friends and daughter are giving too much of yourselves to dealing your son’s addiction whilst your son is not bothering at all. He says he does not want communication and he is the only person who can change his life. Words written and said are rolling off him and causing you further distress. He is determined to have his addiction. I don’t think that telling him anything face to face or any other way is going to make a scrap of difference, although maybe it could alienate him further. I stress that this is my opinion. For me, the more I gave the longer it went on. Every action I took seemed to make things worse until I took no action. Why it ended when it did is beyond me but it was not me that ended it.
Look after yourself Looby