#2647
Anonymous
Guest

Hey Looby am pleased you have ordered that book, I think you will be glued to it after the first chapter. Thanks for trying it anyway, it is aimed at addicts but I think you will find a lot of comfort in it. If its not your thing somebody might well appreciate it as a valuable aid at some point in the future.
You know Loobs your situation and Annies really do help people like me. Your thread in particular has moved me many *****, and, covertly you have shown me how my gambling has effected my Mam and Dad in a  way that they would never be able to. You are a superb Mum and my heart goes out to you.
The fustration and confusion that gambling has caused you is evident, but you have a great understanding of it now and I think that is a blessing. I dont think anybody really knows the answer to it all, except to say all users of this website are better off without it. I can understand how very fustrating it is, because when the penny dropped for me I just had to laugh at how pathetic it all was.
Velvet has hit the nail on the head in the reply above, I agree with every single word.  As cgs we think that is such a struggle to stop gambling well we would wouldnt we it makes it easier to carry on, however I KNOW it is not hard. That may sound contridicrorary after how I was at New Year.; "Its my lot in life" "I cant live without it"! What a load of rubbish. When the penny dropped for me on my first weekend gambling free I actually laughed out loud not a humorous laugh an ironic laugh, I’d been doing "cold turkey" pacing up and down, the sweats ect. Then I thought what is all the fuss about why am I behaving like this. I dont go fishing so I never go in the bait shop, I’m not a muslim so I dont go in the mosque, I dont gamble so I dont go in the bookies. So what its no big deal. Yes I did struggle for years and years but ultimatley because I wanted to there is not one attractive thing about gambling to me, I dont want to do it. This is the conclusion I have come to. I dont think anybody can endure life as a cg indeffinatley I really dont, however I know a lot of us are so tolerant of it it can stay with us a **** of a long time.
We convince ourselves it is difficult, and its not.
What is difficult I think is to live in your situation and see this stupidity year in year out knowing that it is really just a case of saying no, and that is what it boils down to.
I will probably be shot down in flames for what I’m about to say, but I cant bite my tounge because its what I believe to be true (I literally cant bite my tounge, I’ve taken my teeth out). I believe that when a cg is struggling frequently with urges and regular slips then they are not really in recovery. I believe that recovery only really begins after an amount of clean time, we cant recover from something until we’ve seen it for what it is. In recovery we HAVE to change not just talk about changing. A lot of us after GH think we have it cracked but would never say this, but we think it, we wouldnt say this because others will say we are setting ourselves up for a fall. It is true therapy has to be ongoing, well for me certainley. If we all done the things we said we would do when we left GH I dont think any one of us would ever gamble again. It proves a lot of us still have a little denial still in us even after 9 very strange months. A little denial can very soon turn into a lot of misery. (We wont share our denial, but please have some of our misery so as we can get on with our gambling!).
I’m not saying everyone who slips hasnt been living in recovery not at all, what I’m saying is those of us that have slipped one week, then the next then the next but change nothing are living in denial. The ones that slip and make changes to ensure they dont make the same mistakes again are starting to recover. I am in recovery I will never be recovered, I will always be in recovery, God willing. However this is the new life I’ve wanted and just never realised it.
There is a new life for him Looby, one day he will know it.
I feel I can say what I’ve said because I know how so very different the world is to me. I hope it dosnt come across as sanctomonious dribble.
I myself get fustrated with some other cgs when they just cant seem to stop, but thats really unfair, I caused fustration by the bus load for thirty years.The stopping isnt the hard bit, whats hard is the realisation that it just a case of saying "no". 
Easier said than done? ……Not when you’re in recovery.  Very difficult, if not impossible, when in denial. In denial when you make it through the day with out a gamble yes its great but along with the happiness is also a great sense of relief for getting over an urge or just for getting through the day. We dont live with urges if we deal with our feelings and our emotions in a practical way, and thats what we do in recovery. At the end of a day in recovery there is no relief just contentment, content because I have lead an honest a true life for that day.
Cor Blimey sorry went off on a right tangent again sorry for hijacking your thread Looby, I just want you to know it is possible.
My Mam and Dad seem in fine fettle today but it was really hard to get them to accept I dont need any help with my train fare next week. They will always be enablers as I have previously said, thankfully for them I no longer require enablement as I dont gamble.
Tara for now.       Geordie.
I dont gamble.– 02/06/2011 21:56:58: post edited by geordie18.