#2643
looby loo
Participant

Hi
Well we are home after our ‘break’, can’t really call it a holiday as our minds were really back here with recent events. It was very hot in Bulgaria, just how we like it and the hotel was lovely, food left something to be desired, but hey ho its and up and coming resort and feel sure they will get there in the end. Recent events have continued after taking him basic foods on the Weds we called Friday before we left for the airport. ‘Have a nice time – I am okay’ – yes right !! Spoke to him Sat to let him know we had arrived safe and asked how he was ‘okay – watching telly’ . Got a text from our close friends on the Monday to say son had text – no emergency payment due to tax code and no food – advice please. By the time I text back they had gone with daughter and bought £5.44 worth of basic food stuff and delivered it to him in the Tesco Car Park. Have found out today that they chatted with him in car and I will fill you in with that bit later. I spoke to him on Wed and he did not mention the text or the food shop and I did not mention it either (kept it up my sleeve and it is still there) !! I asked if he knew what his plans were re job etc and he said no and to ‘ stop stressing him’, also said he couldn’t get into his email account to retrieve his CV and had had to email hotmail to get his password as there was a copy on a sent email ! He was supposedly due to be paid on Friday 27th May – so I text on Friday saying hopefully he had been paid and phone topped up and could he text to let us know how he was and what his plans were – no reply ! I called – phone off !! Daughter text to say she had met him on Thurs with his niece, she bought him a drink of pop and they had a chat. She said he was still saying silly things, like I am going to get a laptop to use the internet, her saying well you really need to use your money to get a place to live etc, etc. She said they might have him to lunch on Sunday and he said ‘I will pay and treat you’, she said she didn’t expect him to pay and he would need to use this money wisely. He told her he was meeting an old school mate on Friday evening and I knew then the scenario which was to follow. I text her Sun to see if they had him over -she told me No as she had text him twice and called on Sat to make an arrangement – guess what – no response !! Our close friends, who he called to collect him from the station and went with daughter to take food, also tried to text and call from Friday to Monday – no responses and phone off most of the time other than 12.30am Mon morning when one of her texts delivered !!!! still no response though. Even friend sending a ‘can you text its urgent’ didn’t get a response, which lets face it could have been any number of things- accident, illness, death etc !! Daughter called hostel late Mon evening asking if he still resides there – told yes but she said she did not want to speak to him, just wanted to know if he was there. He told daughter he was not going back to his job in London (still don’t know if he really still had the job). I called last night and withheld my number but phone still off. Hubby and I have talked a lot during our break and have decided that we have to walk away. We want to tell him face to face that until he sorts himself out he is now no longer a welcome visitor here and not to contact us at all. If and when he decides that the time is right and he makes the choice to get support etc and comes out the other side then he will be welcomed again. However, with no responses we cannot even arrange to meet, we will not go to the hostel to ‘seek him out’ and I don’t want to do it by text, or are we just best leaving it – thoughts please ????? Spoke to friend this morning and she told me more about the meeting with the food (daughter has not said anything about it). She said they told him they had only gone for us ! They asked how he was with the gambling – he replied he thought about it every minute of every day and ‘my head is messed up’. They said it was not surprising and that when he got paid it was his opportunity to try and sort a few things, accommodation etc and he also told them he was not going back to London ‘they are all idiots at that workplace’. He said he might need help with someone looking after his money and they said there were plenty of us willing to do so, all he has to do is ask, but it would be a case of when he wanted money he could not throw a wobbly when there was none available !! Thank God they are now singing from our hymn book. Friend also said that he was looking out of the car window and thought he was only listening to the bits he wanted to hear. I said he was probably realising that their door was also closing to him too ! What do we think has happened: 1. He got paid and blew it all so now in hiding again. 2. There was no job, therefore no money so again, gone into hiding ? Neither of which we have concrete evidence but going on past events and patterns one or the other seem to fit. So that is my update, not brilliant really is it – never expected it to be really I suppose, always HOPED though. I have had really bad nightmares on holiday about him – so much so that hubby has had to wake me on various occasions as I have been shouting out – always with sons name !!!! Hubby is worried about my mental state too. Survival of the fittest now I am afraid and we have to be the fittest………………………………………………….and strongest………..stronger than ever. If walking 10 miles in a night then sleeping in a field, then on a mattress in someone’s drive is not enough to hit rock bottom – what is ???We must look forward and must never look back, we cannot change what has already happened. The future is brighter.Looby Loo– 01/06/2011 14:52:52: post edited by Looby Loo.