Originally posted by Luna
Dear diary This is the beginning… A new life choice. A new way to live …
Good morning Luna, and a belated welcome to GT, a place where we can learn to strengthen our resolve to live a new life and find ways to keep making the right choices. One we come to accept that our live have been unmanageable by this addiction, we can then start making our own choices, making the right choice each day.
My name is Larry and I too am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was October 27, 2012, a bet made after over three years of being gambling free when I found myself in the right set of circumstances and unguarded, a position that your thoughts have been drawing you to; but take warning from the actions of others and stay strong and keep on not gambling — the first next bet is the one to not make at all.
You are already using some of the better tools for holding true to you desire, you are journaling each day – writing in your diary about your ups and downs, and keeping track of your progress to go back to as a reminder of were you were and where you are today — "recovery is progress, not perfection". You are also turning to your Higher Power for strength and guidance — will power and self knowledge alone will not help as much as adherence to spiritual principles and a positive programs. As Kathryn posted to you a few days ago, " have you thought about extra support such as GA? It is so difficult to fight on your own. Not only can you talk to others, you may make some friends, it can really enhance your recovery and you may not feel so lonely" — you are not alone in your thoughts and past mistakes, you also need not be alone in our journal. This site is a great help, but a live group will make it even greater. And if you have yet to visit the live online chat rooms here, log on and use them to share in your thoughts and struggles.
You also mention that you are really ready for change, a change from gambling over the past ten years to not gambling is only possible by making changes to any character faults that the addiction feeds on — "without change there will be no change". Look at you life and lifestyle, and at you finer character traits – your spiritual make up; work at enhancing these qualities of your life as you allow changes to the lessor ones. When you stop feeding your addiction with these weaknesses as well as not allowing it additional footholds into your daily life by gambling again "for just one more time", you will find that recovery will continue and you will be living a better live with better thoughts.
Sorry for the long post, and the belated welcome. I do not post as often as I have before (but I still keep my personal diary and make my daily pledge to not gamble, and read the other post), so when I do post I tend to babble on as I did in the past. But I hope you get something from my rantings that will help you.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep posting and reach out even more to other that are combating these same feelings.
LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.