#2088
velvet
Moderator

 
Dear Ell
***** hurts – I understand.
I am glad that your husband’s counsellor told you that your silence would be the most difficult thing for your CG to handle but I am not 100% sure it is the right thing for either of you.   Silence can be punishing and I am not of the opinion that your husband ***** to be punished.
Silence is hard but dear Ell I am not judging – you have been through a lot of pain and your reaction is understandable.
***** is often a protective instinct and human.   I get the feeling that your husband is very afraid of what has gone before, what is happening and what will happen- his mind is not clear.   My feeling is that unless there is communication he can’t make things right and with lack of understandinghe could make things a lot worse.      
I think it is great that your husband’s therapist tells you that he be***ves in your CG.   it was unusual I think to divulge such a confidence and therefore contains hope.   Did you tell him about the ongoing ***s?  
I don’t know the ***s your husband is saying and maybe you would rather talk in the privacy of the group.   If he is still saying black is white I understand your concern.   If he is saying he has swept the floor, when he has not – but he is worried that you will be cross with him, I feel maybe he ***** a bit more time in his recovery – but he ***** to hear that it is the *** that hurt, not the floor being upswept which you cannot tell him in silence. 
I am not a person who can live with silence Ell. My husband grew up with a father who would express himself in silence and he had an unhappy childhood with him.   I am a be***ver in communication although there are ***** when it is better to be silent but 10 days is a long time for your husband’s mind not to hear you speak.   He cannot know where he is with you.  
Do you know where you want to be with him?   I know you will be ok and I know your daughter will be ok because of your strength – but I don’t want you to lose someone that you do love but who is not behaving as well as he should because he hasn’t reached the point of understanding – yet.     
I think I need you to talk more so that I can understand.
V