I wish you a more peaceful life during 2013. Christmas is hard for many, as you say ‘living a ****, so much pressure to ‘perform and be happy’, but it is YOUR life and if you are unhappy, it is okay to show it sometimes. Life is not a bed of roses, and anyone who says their life is I believe to be telling fiblets.
Look after you and your family, it will pass, get assistance with sorting the bills, and if you really cannot pay all of them tell the creditors, and usually they can make a payment plan for you – it is better for them to have a little payment often than to have no payments at all. Try not to take all the burden upon yourself (and I know that is a tough ask). Sadly, you will be unable to tell truth from lies from your CG, and trusting what he says will take time, but that has to be when and only when he shows he is in true recovery.
Stay close to us, as we walk with you, we really DO understand you Ell.
Sending hugs to you xxEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo