Sometimes there is just nothing left to say, sometimes there are things that should be said and are not being said for whatever reason, sometimes when it is said, we are so busy talking that we miss it, we do not hear the volume of what is said by silence and in silence.
Our trust is destroyed through incident after incident, lies and deceipt to the point whether we can wonder if it can ever return. The ability for a CG to trust in themselves is also destroyed and in turn this must affect their ability to trust in others, to trust enough to communicate, to say the truth when possibly they have lost touch with what that is. I think I learned that I expected too much. To say nothing, is one way of keeping you, compared with the truth which provides such a risk or is blocked in denial.
Like you Ell I made every effort to understand this addiction, I read until I could read no more and posted until i dried up completely, there was an idea in my head of what a recovery would mean to him and to me and to us. There was also an idea of why it should occur and when. I was wrong on nearly all of it.
I think the main reason I was a way off the mark was because I wasn’t actually listening, I thought I was but I wasn’t, I heard the bits I wanted to hear and filled in the gaps. I listened but didn’t hear. I read and I made things fit into my idealistic view of what should be.
I said what I thought was the right things to say, things that would in some way make a recovery more likely, believing that in some way I could influence that – wrong again, all that achieved was to help me forget who I was as well !!
What I am getting around to saying before i ramble on is, don’t allow this addiction to close you down, do not let it stop you from communicating what you feel and recieving the communication he is sending to you either within speech or silence, never mind what is being said or not said we all know that the addiction likes to dictate this – what do you see before you and what does it feel like ?
My biggest regret if I have one was in not listening enough, the wrong type of communication, no wonder i couldn’t understand that it couldn’t be understood. Not saying what I should have said and saying what i shouldn’t say because it was what i thought I should say or i feared the response or the outcome if I said it. My biggest regret is the breakdown of communication it was very nearly the end for us.
Your CG couldn’t find a way to speak but he let you know how he was feeling, it brought a lump to my throat reading the end of your last post. Keep listening Ell and he will tell you so much more
We see things not as they are, but through how we are today x