#2107
velvet
Moderator

Dear Ell
Your husband is hoping you can trust him but realises how difficult it is for you, he says he is prepared to go on seeing the counsellor because you are worried.  My initial thought is to let him.
Your peace of mind is important.   Trust takes ages following the experience you have had and cannot be hurried.   When it comes, it is a revelation, you will feel lighter and freer but you don’t feel that yet.   The trust I have for my CG is that I trust him to look after his addiction and live a gamble-free life.   I cannot and should not allow myself to forget that he is a CG.   I know that he is aware every day that he is a CG, that he has to make a daily affirmation to live that day without gambling and that is what he does.  This is what I trust.   I don’t need him to talk about it, nor do I find the need to talk about it, or worry about it – that is my trust.
What do we mean when we say we trust another human being?  I trust my husband and by that I mean he is a good man who has not hurt me.   I don’t say ‘yet’ because that is not what we say – but how do I know?   Trust is not something we can see – it is confidence in another but that other person is human, not divine.   Your husband is a good man who has an addiction, that addiction hurt your relationship and from all you have said and all his words that you have relayed, he has realised that if he wanted his Ell – he had to change.  He has done the best he can but the debts are still hurting.  You still have to work long difficult hours to keep your lives balanced.   The memories are still too fresh. 
Do you still have the gambling conversations?  
I am sure you are explaining yourself well to your husband but the gambling conversations with a CG who is really trying to live gamble-free means that the CG cannot trust the person they love completely either.   There comes a time when we have to take a leap of faith too if we want a healthy relationship.
Dear Ell – I know how scary it is – I am not sure at what point I knew that I had let go of the past – in some ways just writing this to you is like hearing it for the first time.   Don’t be anxious – it will not hurt him to keep seeing the counsellor for a time but doing it to please you could be difficult for him because he ***** his chance to prove to you that he can be trusted and also to himself.
Is he going to GA or does he have any other support apart from this counsellor?   This site is also available in Greek.  
Speak soon
V