#2123
ell
Participant

***** all my friends,
I m reading the forum every day, and I see many friends they are struggling and I feel guilty inside me because I couldn’t find the strength to give just  reply to them . But im reading and Im learning many new things from all you every day and you are in my thoughts.
My update :
Nothing has changed with the work and the hours I spent there and the debts …I miss every day my baby because I cannot see her.
My cg he is still going to the counselor and he is free from the first day (11 months now) and he is commitment to free life and to his family. He works a lot and he tries every day for the best.(that is what my eyes see every day) We don’t argue we are polite each other.
I guess The problem is me. My hb he is waiting for Me. Every day he is there and waiting me to free myself and go a step forwards our relationship.  We are polite velvet but we are frozen. I want to say to him that I love him I want to give him a hug , I feel it every day that but I am frozen I just don’t do it because I think that if I leave myself free again and hurt me again ? If he is not telling the truth, if I cannot understand the truth? What if im blind? And all that questions lock me and making me a frozen woman.  And when I’m frozen-a cold polite woman he is afraid..And sometimes I can understand that he feels a little injustice because he is free and here.
So he is waiting for me, every day he is looking me and he is afraid to make a move , and when we discuss(sometimes-no time for discussions) he always say that I cannot do anything more im free im telling you the truth and I will wait for you all the time you need to let yourself free again.
I read Limbo again and again and again ….
I feel the same like Limbo and I cannot do it in action … Im afraid all the what if but I cannot leave all my life lock inside me .
How difficult is to find a balance to free your self with your cg and of course to protect yourself the same time.  …………………………………..
………..and, today I wrote him on Skype because we are to work
“How are you my love?” He was smiling, I haven’t said that word months now. I need to say that I love him but I cannot make the move. Im stacked
It is a little difficult to find the balance …I need to let it just go! He is free what else I want?? I think sometimes I still grieving for my old relationship.
You are all in my thoughts
With all my love ell