#2079
velvet
Moderator

 
Hi Ell
I am glad you realised the session ended and I had not closed the door on you.
I do understand what you mean.   It is a wonderful image that we have that a woman will be ******* up, loved, cherished and protected by a man but it is difficult for a man to be able to live up to this image – especially if he is, through no fault of his own, the owner of a terrible addiction.
I grew up to be very independent and strong willed.   (This is a part of me looking at myself by the way).   I had a very definite idea of how life should be lived and that honesty played a big part in that life.   I expected in return for the love and trust I gave to be loved and trusted in return.   I had not reckoned on an addiction to gamble, turning my world upside down, making me feel a weak-willed victim.
However (and this is where I really dig) it is very difficult for a man to ‘look after’ a woman who is strong willed and independent, who bounces back from sadness and problems and gets on with her life.   Not everybody can bounce back and certainly the addiction to gamble is not on elastic, it is not something from which anybody can bounce back.
I think in the world we live in now, it is far more difficult for the man to be the protector. 
I don’t hear that all is ruined for you. I do hear that you have had a major set-back but you are strong and you will survive.  
Compulsive gamblers are emotionally immature Ell and you have always been strong.  You were looking for an emotional maturity that your husband could not give – yet.   To fight the addiction to gamble and to succeed in controlling it takes a tremendous maturity and strength.   Your husband can gain from this struggle and reach a maturity he did not have before. He will be able to protect you as you want but not yet.  
Of course you did not want this to happen – none of us wanted this to happen in our lives. Why is happens is unknown.   You have stood up to many challenges before and you will stand up to this one.   Please understand that your husband is weaker than you because his addiction controlled him but he can grow and blossom and be the person you want him to be and he will do easier and quicker if you can support him.
I hope this helps but please come back if it doesn’t.
Velvet