dear monique and velvet thank yoy for your post . these days were very  very difficult for me but i think i will handle it at last , yes velvet one of my fealings is grieving for the relationship that i  think i have lost for ever. and is true i lost it for ever . i must find the way for a new relationship with new rules . me life now is my work and my daughter . if somoene see me he will think that i am the happiest person in world because in my job i must do it every day but indeed is a *** . the holidays i was prentending cooking for the family and the parents and soem friends who did nt know my situation and i was pretending everything is good and now it is christmas yioupiiiiiiiiiiii. that was hard for me becouse i dont like to pretend i like to feel ok not pretend that is ok . and when i see him in face i feel that you are the  reason that im not happy ..just you and your options … he loves me  i think but i can not be***ve anything …no trust . if he say so ok he loves me but inside me is always ?????  what if he ***s and in this and in that what if he ***s and you can not see it ???? my economics not good …i try to pay everything on time adn when i feel presure i have the fealing that is your fault that i m here now …i had all the money needed . anyway i know that all will pas i try thank yoy all very much happy new year