Thanks for the kind words, icandothis.
Funny thing, I didn’t lose all of the "winnings" plus the other 300% back in one day. It took 2 days. In fact, I was going to bet heavy on another sports team (Dodgers) to win back the first day’s loss before I decided on the quick fix – blackjack. And guess what? They won and I would have been back on top.
It’s maddening. Not because I would have been up again, that’s not it. I’d have eventually given that back too. It’s the always telling myself what I should have done: should have doubled down, shouldn’t have ‘hit’, should have bet more/less on that hand/game, etc.
Who ***** this extra kind of stressful thinking in their life? We don’t have enough worries and concerns that we need to add losing-result card images and losing sports scores into our psyche? How many ***** do I have to look myself in the mirror and explain this logic to myself again? God willing, none.
There’s really only one way to overcome the impending depression that follows losing – win it back. Since this is a fool’s choice and attempt, resulting in the exact – or more likely, worse – outcome, the only thing left is to suffer through it. Yet, even though I have years of ample proof to the contrary, a sick part of me truly believes I may win it all back, which is so ridiculously impossible, it’s not even funny, but it still tries to convince me. Since I can’t surgically remove this ill part of myself, I have to give more strength to the logical and reasonable side and try to focus on it.
Instead of telling myself that had I stuck to the plan I would be ahead, what I should be telling myself is the truth, which is, had I stuck to the plan, and kept sticking to it, I’d have lost far more than just a ****-load of money.
It’s no wonder gambling can cause insanity. I feel closer to it every time I hit these gambling bottoms.
I absolutely do not want this any more.
