Thanks very much for your reply. It’s so helpful, I don’t know how many ***** I read your words yesterday. It’s just what I need to listen in this kind of testing time. I need to ****** I am making the right decision. I still feel a bit weak some*****. Your words really help me a lot.
I love the donkey story. That’s so right. Life always throws something we don’t like on us. Just have to learn how to cope with it, more important how to turn it out to be a new step to climb up a bit.
I am trying to stop thinking of him by keeping myself busy. Without doing things, all the worries will get stronger and stronger. Still feel sad for him, especially thinking that he already suffered a lot from the marriage failure before, his kids are estranged, and now, he lost his last chance to lead a normal life. He is 57 already, no any assets, no solid plan for his own retirement. His mother can leave a bit money for him, but how much is enough for a gambler? I don’t know.
As you said, I have been trying to save him from falling down on the expense of my own life.I tried so hard, pushed myself so hard, now I just can’t carry on anymore. It’s really cruel to me. I gave up my plan to be a mom, spent more than half my life saving to support our daily life, swallowed down so many confusion, anguish, sadness and pain. I just feel part of my heart is dead, the other part is crying for leaving.
I am worried that he will come back to beg me to stay. I don’t want to face it. It’s so cruel to say ” No” on his face. I pray he won’t do it.
I think you are right, we can’t save everyone.
Yes, I will stay in New Zealand. I possibly will go back to China every so often to do some contract work for my ex-boss. But I still hope to base in NZ. I just need to move to a new place, get a fresh starting.