Hi Adele, I know the song very well and my take on it whenever I hear it is “why waste your time, girl when you KNOW it is over”. Oh the wisdom I developed after the fact! lol. You seem pretty strong to me and I love your sense of humor! Just like there is a pattern when it comes to cgs and their behavior, there is a pattern to us as spouses/families/friends. I know very well what you are talking about. Gambling is like a cancer of the soul, it eats you from the inside out, everybody involved is sick. The outside, like your house and the laundry basket seems to reflect the chaos of emotions and thoughts on the inside. At least that’s how it was for me and still is because of what happened in my life. But I firmly believe that we get stronger once we have reached our own personal rock bottom. When we reach the point of no return and decide that something has to change. First of all we have to change because we cannot change our gambler. My hb was like an empty s****, possessed by his need to gamble. I didn’t know him anymore. Before we can make any kind of decision about the relationship I think we need to take an inventory of ourselves and our lives. I spend many hours thinking what it would be like if my hb was NOT gambling. Would we be alright? Do you have any other support besides this site? Any family or friends you can trust and talk to? Being utterly alone in this is the worst of all imho. The addiction is convoluting our minds as well as the mind of the cg. Thats the MO necessary to stay alive and well. It is very important for you to get well yourself and not to worry about your hb. The addiction is his and his only to take care of, meaning to start conquering it. If he sees the need. Wash your clothes, all of them and wear something really nice to work, lol. That’s a start. Secure your finances and look for support wherever you can. I, too spent many yrs in desperation. Crying, begging, yelling, angry and totally helpless and powerless. Until I decided one day that it was enough and come **** or high water, it was going to change. I was going to change. The days and weeks until my hb went to his final and successful inpatient treatment were the first once I was at peace. Even though it all didn’t work out the way I hoped it would (only the recovery is still working) I still cherish this time. Your are stronger than you think, girl. Funny though, I also process a lot with music. There was youtube with all the nice songs, my favorite one being “bridge over troubled waters” (yes, I am THAT old) and “House of the rising sun”, which was always on the radio all of a sudden when my hb was in prison. Go figure….