Dear NoMore – I appreciate you sharing, and your encouragement. You’re right, I am actually a very strong woman – usually – and feeling increasingly vulnerable and weak these last few years is maddening to me!
I have struggled with my own demon for many years – Depression (ugh) – so the emotional and visible chaos of my life is not really new to me, just different and compounded. I know in my heart this has been a contributing factor in my husband’s demise.
I like what you say about "taking an inventory  of ourselves" before making a decision about a relationship with a CG. That clicks with me, and I think that will be my initial approach to begin taking better care of myself. Thank you for that clarity.
I am feeling stronger with the knowledge and encouragement I have been blessed to receive from this site. Thank you, thank you, thank you all.
I’m still not in the **** to do the laundry, but I just might go out and buy me some skinny jeans and high heels! ha ha
(Be very glad you can’t see that visual …)
Girl – I’m so sorry for what you’ve been thru.  I am especially sorry your marriage didn’t work out the way you hoped. May I ask – and I apologize if this is too personal:  Was it because it was too difficult for you to believe the recovery would last?  Was he – or you – a different person after the recovery?   Please just ignore these questions if I’ve treaded on raw emotions.
Oh! By the way – I am THAT OLD TOO. So I say to you:
 Just sail on Silver Girl …  You no longer spend your life in sin and misery!!
Adele"… should I give up or should I just keep trying to run after you when there's nothing there?"  Adele