nomore 56

Hi Adele, I can see your strength in you posts even though you are at a bad place right now. I struggled with depression actually for most of my marriage and didn’t realize why. My hb was already gambling when we met and had been since he was a teenager. I had no clue and nobody thought it would be necessary to tell me. Of course I knew nothing about gambling addiction and nothing about the signs and symptoms. Like every cg, my hb was a pathological ****, not only when it came to money and gambling. So my marriage crumbled from the very beginning. You can read the convoluted story in my first posts. I am originally from Germany and after we moved here in 2000 my hb relapsed after almost 11 yrs. He took us down fast, everything was gone. The savings, my daughter’s college fund, our complete retirement, the cars and ultimately our first and only own home. He embezzled money at his federal job and went to prison for a year. That is why my marriage did not survive. Too much hurt, pain and damage. My depression worsened over the yrs a great deal and I developed an off-the-charts anxiety as well. It looks like you are not that far down the road, which is a good reason for you to have some hope. You also seem to have a pretty clear head and that is to your advantage. You might want to think about boundaries, how much will be too much for you? You deserve to be happy and at peace and that should be your absolute priority. Don’t give the addiction power over you. I’m a rather factual person so what I would have wished I had done is very simple. Drawn a line that my hb knew he shouldn’t cross. Never threaten something I was not prepared to go through with. Looked for support, like GamAnon way earlier. Educated myself re legal issues in this state (WA) and most of all, protect my finances better. At the end, all of this would not have helped my marriage but would have put my daughter and myself in a better position. My depression had a name, my hb’s. He is in recovery now for over 3 yrs and is a changed man altogether. We are still married for financial reasons but don’t live together. We have become something like friends out of necessity. Ha, I should take my story to Dr. Phil and see what he has to say…lol. Go buy the skinny jeans and the heels and walk proud with your head held high. Myself, I prefer the good old relaxed fit and some sketchers, the fancy days are over, age takes its’ toll on me. I can detect some ***** in you, girl. Go dig it out and show the addiction that you will NOT surrender. I know a lot of people who’s marriage has survived and is now even better, if different even if mine did not. Go for it!!!