#1799
nomore 56
Participant

Adele, oh girl, do I hear and feel you! You already did all the right things by protecting your money and having the credit monitored. Your story is very similar to mine and I don’t know about you but I did take what my hb did, how he behaved and what he said personal. Until I learned and understood that the cgs come in all shapes, ages and colors but the addiction and its’ nasty pattern is the same across the board. As to your (step) daughter, I understand that you are afraid of her reaction but as you said, you love her and have a long history with her. It might not be your place to tell her about her dad’s addiction and nobody can tell you what to do of course. Every situation is different and so are the people. One thing to keep in mind though is that cgs don’t know friends and family from enemies when it comes to getting a hold of money. When the well at home dries up, they usually turn to others to ask for funds or borrow some. My hb came up with the most outrageous explanations and family and friends fell for it. Or just pretended to believe his stories, who knows. You say that your hb lies not only about money and gambling. I also dealt with it for many yrs. My hb always avoided any kind of argument, confrontation, anything that he felt uncomfortable with. And mostly things that he hid for as long as possible because he didn’t like the reaction of others would he have told the truth. It was easier to be a master of avoidance and then deal with problems when everything was said and done. His dysfunctional family was just the same way. I am a firm believer in holistic treatment for any kind of addiction. The whole person has to be addressed, not only the gambling. My hb completed inpatient treatment 3 ***** and only the last time it really worked because he had to work on more issues than just the gambling. Which was only a symptom of everything that went wrong in his life.
Your hb does not like the term disease. I don’t really either. But was else to call it? Does he think he is just behaving badly because he chooses to gamble? And his statement that he will get “over” it once you are living together again is just a copout imho. It give him a reason, not you, just him. He gambles because of his current situation. Right, who would blame him….It buys him time to keep doing what he is doing and at the same time gives you hope that everything will be ok again. It does not matter where he lives, with you, in a state with our without “big” casinos. Once the addiction has a hold on him, it will continue to torture both of you. The up and downs of total devastation and some hopeful glimpses into the future are very common. That’s how the addiction works. To keep both of you in line so to speak. Anything that poses as a threat has to be removed, and you are a threat because you decided to fight it on your own terms. And you are fighting, that’s what your posts are saying. If you get well yourself, the addiction looses some of its’ grip. At least on you. Did you get the jeans and the heels yet???? 🙂