Thanks Velvet – I know you are pulled in many directions. I am doing better than I was since I have immersed myself into this site, I just have a long ways to go still. Hope you enjoy your visit in Scotland.
That first group thing kinda freaked me out a little… lol. It was a good workout for my brain and my fingers. After that baptism, I held my own fairly well yesterday in a community group session. I met 3 very nice people there, and it was most helpful, and enlightening. I plan to join in more often if I can figure out the ***** …
NoMore – I greatly appreciate your posts. You have a very good understanding of this addictive behavior and I have given your words a lot of thoughtful consideration. You’re right – our stories are similar. I find myself thinking and saying that more and more on here…
I’ve been thinking about my boundaries … They’ve changed of course since I’ve come here. I am considering paying off 2 payday loans this week that my husband took out last month. If I do, the boundary would be crossed if he ever took out another. Actually, I think that might the boundary whether or not I pay off those loans.
I have been so very angry and very harsh with him … and I’ve been as strict with our finances as I think is possible, yet he manages to find ways … It amazes me! He’s not a manipulative man, not conniving in his nature, and he certainly is not creative AT ALL … yet he finds ways.
In March he managed to *** out a line of credit on an account he opened secretly 2 years ago when this all started. I had confiscated his cards, he gave me the codes for the account, I closed everything but the account with a balance, and had been making payments on it for the last year and a half. This was the second time he’s ***’ed it out by having them send him another card.
Then things basically just blew up last week … that final straw you know? I got a call last Tuesday (4/30) from the ***** Department of one of my credit cards. Someone had used a "Thank-you" card for several on-line purchases that morning and they called to confirm the legitimacy of the charges. I had no idea what a "Thank-you" card was, I’d never received it nor asked for it, and the phone number for the charges was a non-working number. Of course I’ve learned by now to immediately suspect my CG – so I called him. He hesitated for a moment, but confessed to using a card he had found in a stack of mail I had shoved into one of the spare bedrooms – intending to sort thru it eventually. My mistake. Online gambling of course – which he only took up recently. $1000 gone in a blink.
I demanded that he come home immediately – enough was enough – I was going to shut him down one way or the other. I told him whatever it took, to leave his work and come home – or don’t bother to ever come home again. I meant it and he knew I did.
He came home Wednesday, and I didn’t really know what to say or what to do. It was so weird. It was like "Hurry hurry hurry and get your ars home now… zoom! OK I’m here … Ok, good, sit down and shut up. lol There was just this silence between us – his was in shame, and mine was in defeat. I think that’s the best word to describe how I felt.
He did not say anything about all that had transpired the last few weeks, although he knew I was aware of it all. That’s how he is though, non-communicative, non-confrontational, unemotional. I have tried in the past to get him to talk about issues between us, and he will literally sit there and say nothing. I timed him once … me "so what do you think about so and so …. tic toc, tic toc … 10 minutes with NOT A WORD. He waits for me to drag things out of him. Are these common traits in CGs? I know Ell has described her husband as being this way, and so have you NoMore. What’s up with that?!
Before he got home Wednesday night, I had done a lot of thinking and crying – sobbing actually – and I’m not really a ‘sobber’. I put a call in to an attorney and then just sat there for hours, numb with the realization that my marriage and my life as I knew it was very likely about to come to an end. In my job, my hours are unstructured, so it is easy to procrastinate when things aren’t right on the inside. I needed to go out and get some work done before he got home, but I couldn’t make myself do it. So I decided to do some research on my computer…. and that is when I found Gambling Therapy.org.
Ell’s was the first thread I read. I felt an immediate connection to her, and the beginnings of a sense of hope. I read and read and read for several days while my husband walked on eggshells. Finally, on Saturday I think, I began telling him about this site. I told him some of the things I was learning. By Saturday night my attitude toward him was kinder. I told him thru tears how very sorry I was that he has been afflicted with this addiction. I apologized for not being more understanding. I see so many things that I have done wrong in my ignorance of this addiction.
It is a start for us … he has not yet made an appointment with a counselor (but he has the name of one there), or said that he would attend a GA meeting (they have GA where he’s at), but he has done some reading on this site, and he’s talking more honestly with me about his addiction. Baby steps …
Holy cow! I have rambled on and on again … so sorry. This wasn’t even what I intended to post about … Guess I needed to get that off my chest!
"… should I give up or should I just keep trying to run after you when there's nothing there?" Adele