Re your 5/24 post: You’re absolutely right about pressing my ***** on him and asking too many questions, and telling him I expect more of him – it is making perfect sense now because I’m realizing these things are actually counter-productive. Being patient, practicing self-control (at least while I’m with him) and better understanding the roller coaster ride my CG is on is making a difference – at least with how I feel.
Is your husband aware that you are seeking help and that it does make a difference?
My husband is very aware that I’m seeking help here – and I think I’ve made it clear that this is the most important thing going on in my life right now – my recovery and utilizing this site. I have encouraged him to start a thread, or use the helpline or groups. If he has (which I doubt) I don’t know about it. He said he had been reading here, so I asked him if he had seen my postings. He seemed a little surprised, and said he hadn’t – then I didn’t say anything else. In a bit he asked me if I had used a name he would know, and I said no – then I didn’t say anything else. In a bit he asked me if I had put a story on there, and I said yes. I think I’m taking a chapter from Building Bridges’ book here – steeling myself – holding my tongue when I really want to “seize the opportunity” to launch in to a big conversation about what I think he should do.
Patience … not easy for me.
That was all that was said – but the fact that he actually asked me questions about it is huge. He told me once that the F&F forum was more helpful to him than the CG forum. I thought that was interesting. So, yes, I think it is making a difference for both of us.
Going to my CG friends Birthday Party on the coast:
Harry’s advice to be wary was much appreciated – and heeded. We had a great time, the margaritas were fabulous, my husband sang Karaoke, which shocked us all, and we avoided the subject of gambling completely – except one mention to me by my friend that no one knew of my husband’s addiction.
BB – I hope you have found your way to those moments of “normalcy”. The evening with our friends here at home, and the weekend trip to the birthday party were big breaths of fresh air for both of us. I won’t say it was easy to “chain the beast up” – there were many ***** I found myself caught up in thought while gazing across the water. But I think the “normalcy” has given my husband a bit of confidence, or hope … or something.
Taking my own inventory:
BB, I hope my post moved you in a positive direction. I know how much you love your husband and want him to overcome this thing. I have cried with you and wanted to give you a silent hug many *****. I see you getting stronger with every post, and that has given me courage to find better ways to refuse this addiction.
I do have a very long (and very old) list Velvet. So I decided to apply both the puzzle analogy and the One Day At A Time theory to it. I will break that monster To Do List down in to manageable “pieces” that I can complete in “One Day”. Thursday, I did all of my laundry, Friday I swept and mopped all of my floors. Two pieces done! Time to get off my lazy butt.
No More, I’m not really doubting myself (any more than usual), and I don’t really blame myself for my husband’s gambling. My post was, I think, the beginning of a cathartic journey for me – a journey that is going to either intertwine or become one with my recovery journey. I wonder if this would be helpful for you to do also?
Velvet, I do want to change my direction – for me, and for my husband. And I will greatly appreciate you continuing to be by my side. Thank you.
— 6/9/2013 3:53:38 AM: post edited by adele.