Well, I am struggling again …
My husband had to work this weekend so we have only spoken on the phone this last week.
Trying something different:
When he left to go back to work after our trip, we decided he would take $100 instead of the $10 or $20 I usually give him (because he would be gone longer this time), that he would keep receipts, and I told him if he slipped to just tell me about it and we would get through it. He was surprised at my attitude and said he would tell me if he slipped.
When we talk on the phone, he does not say anything to me about whether he has gambled or not, or if he has been tempted: It is just understood that he is trying hard not to gamble because that is what he told me he could do right now – so I have accepted that … for now.
The bank stuff:
The bank account he opened to put the last chunk of money in that he borrowed has been drafted by all of his previous debtors for the month. It’s crazy – he’s using borrowed money to make payments on money he’s borrowed, with no plan for when that money runs out. Nothing is being deposited.
Yesterday I got a notification text from his bank saying that access to the account had been blocked – no reason was given, so I texted my husband about it. He said he had tried to log on to check the balance, which makes no sense, because he is notified every day of the balance and for any transactions on the account the same as I am. I pointed this out and he said he was trying to see who all had been paid so far, and I think I believe that.
He called the bank and got access to the account reestablished. Then the next thing I know, I get another text notification from the bank for a $30 check paid to some new payday loan company.
He says it absolutely is not legitimate – that I know about every loan he has taken out. The check appears to be computer generated somehow (not handwritten) so there is a good chance that it is indeed **********. There was another draft on his account week before last that we have disputed, so the bank has credited his account while they research it.
See, these are the kinds of problems he has created by frantically looking for ways to get money online and elsewhere: Somewhere along the way he has provided too much information to the wrong people and now they have managed to get access to his account. UGH !!!!
I was worthless yesterday, even before I started dealing with all the stuff on the account. It was as if I knew something was coming … like it was time in the cycle for something to happen. I have got to shake this off!
His new work schedule provides opportunities to gamble:
Here’s the thing: Everything this last week and the upcoming week has been and will be a test of my husband’s resolve not to gamble. He has been working nights in the field covering for a supervisor who is on vacation – so he did not come home this last weekend. After tonight he will go back in to the office for a few days (his normal job), come home this weekend, then next week he will be taking on a new long-term/temporary position supervising a group of 3 crews that work together to cover a 24 hour work day – so his work schedule will be whatever he determines it ***** to be to keep these 3 crews running smoothly. He is experienced, dependable and a good supervisor – which is why they can put him wherever they need him.
The good things about this are he will work 10 days then come home for 5 days, and it is a boost to his ego.
The problem is … schedule changes have always provided him opportunities to gamble; this is when he has gotten in to the most trouble. He either runs to the casino when he has down time and is bored, or he goes by the casino on his way home or back to work – because I have no idea what his schedule is and would not know if he was leaving too early to go back to work or getting in too late when he comes home for his days off.
I think I believe him:
This is all just one big rant – possibly all for naught – because when he called last night I finally just asked him how he was doing on his gambling. He said he had not gambled and really had been too tired to even be tempted. He said he still had about $60 and had only forgotten a couple of receipts. And he said he was anxious to come home this weekend and see me. Amazingly, I think for the most part I believe him on everything.
So when he texted me that the $30 draft was not legit, after awhile I texted him back and said “for what it’s worth I believe you”. He either had gone to sleep or it had no impact on him because he hasn’t responded.
The Blob again:
Oh well … this rant is over – I have gotten it out of my head V – no more festering. If I don’t get up from here right now, today will be another Blob Day like yesterday and so many others.
I will try the sticky note thing Velvet – I actually know someone who puts sticky notes on the mirror for her husband and he loves it.
I want to post on your thread BB, thank you for posting on mine – and on yours Ell. I have things I want to say to you both about your last posts – and I will do so when I’m in a little better frame of mind. I know you both understand…
And No More – I hope as you indicated that you are considering what recovery might look like for you, and that you plan to post it on your thread. I am thinking about you and watching for you here.
"… should I give up or should I just keep trying to run after you when there's nothing there?" Adele