#1815
velvet
Moderator

Dear Adele
Gambling for points is still gambling.   He is making ‘mind bets’.   Some newly abstinent gamblers say that what they are keeping track of is what abstinence has saved or cost them.   Mind bets are not an uncommon way to remain in action.  However the gambler may start to get ‘juiced’ and be unable to shake off the excitement.  
I have asked about blockers for android phones before and I think the answer was there was nothing on the market but I will check again.   Does he have to have an android phone?   It would be good if you could encourage him to change his phone to a basic model – in the interests of his recovery.
CGs do appreciate the barriers when they cannot react to triggers because it gives them time to think – not possessing a phone on which he can gamble seems to me to be an excellent barrier.  It is not treating him like a child – it is assisting him in his quest for the recovery he says he wants.
 
Dear Adele – you want to believe so much but I would be failing you if I did not tell you to strengthen you barriers.   I’m afraid it is too early to believe him so readily and he possibly did not respond to your text saying you believed him because it was all he wanted to hear.
I know you know it but I will say it anyway – he is a CG and CGs tell lies and manipulate.  Accepting that our loves ones are CGs is harder than we realise at first.  We want to save and really understanding that we cannot is very difficult.
Looking after you today is still more important than anything.   At the moment it appears that you are working harder at his recovery than he is.   I think you did well getting him to admit he had gambled but I think it would be good if you reinforce your willingness to help him only if he helps himself – provided you can say it and mean it.
You are doing well with your posts – you are getting things down and that will help you when you look back. 
I will write again tomorrow but I wanted to get these thoughts down tonight.  They have come out a bit blunt but they are as always accompanied with your interests at heart.
Velvet