#1823
adele
Participant

Thank you all for your posts and encouragement.  I apologize for being absent from here for so long.  I am so looking forward to a whole day in my pajamas, drinking coffee, catching up and posting.
My sister and I have been working night and day for the last week and a half (oh my aching body!) on going through my house and my mom’s getting things sorted and ready for the estate sale on the 18th. We have carried trailer loads of stuff from here that I am getting rid of – and it feels great. I have cleaned out an entire room in order to basically replicate my mother’s sewing room. She was a master quilter before macular degeneration took its toll on her sight, so she can no longer see well enough to make her beautiful quilts. I have a lot to learn, but I will have a wonderful sewing room to do so in!
I haven’t been able to post because my sister has been here, and I don’t feel I can slip off for any length of time – we have really been busy. She has been so wonderful to help realizing how overwhelmed I have been.  She knows me so well in some ways, and doesn’t know me at all in others..
My husband came home for 4 days over the holiday and we worked his rear end off.  He says he talked to the counselor on Friday and they were going to get together this week to work out a time slot – so we will see.
He says he has not been to the casino but he gambled another $60 on his phone this last 2 weeks which he says is a lot better than before, and it is, but it’s still gambling. I asked him to try to cut it all out. 
I don’t know about the **** – didn’t bother to look and didn’t really have time.
He seems to be excited about getting the house (and the garage and the work shop) cleared out and organized. When he called me last night to let me know he’d made it back to work ok, he reassured me that he would call the counselor, that he was really happy with everything we were doing here, and he said "I think if we get the house all straightened out, and get ME all straightened out things are going to get better for us."  He seemed sincere and humble.
I don’t know, I can’t get very excited about anything these days I guess because I don’t want to be disappointed – but I am more at peace than I have been in awhile. I just hope it isn’t the calm before the storm!
V my husband truly does have Impulse Control issues and always has. I suspect this is the reason he’s been married 5 *****. The **** has been ongoing since the 90’s, so unfortunately I don’t think it’s going away when and if the gambling goes away, and neither will the unreasonable spending: It all came before the  gambling.  But I know too that due to his raising he has always felt (undeservedly) somewhat worthless or inadequate, so what you say still makes sense and is reasonable.
V – what I am interested in finding out about is counseling and therapy:  What approach is generally taken in therapy? Do most therapists rely solely on what their patient tells them? How do they manage to learn about other issues aside from the one the CG is there for? How will we know if the therapist knows what he’s doing?  I think we may only get one shot at this – if he actually goes – and I don’t want it to be wasted on an ill-fitted counselor.
 If our marriage does survive this addiction, I now realize that I want a better marriage than I had before the addiction – and strange as it sounds, if that happens I guess I will have the addiction to thank!  
Gotta run – my sister the slave driver is back …