I did Google for info on Chasing Pavements – I am not the brightest when it comes to modern pop music. I had at least heard of Adele – I have even seen pictures but since Roy Orbison I have been in oblivion when it comes to pop.
Your post gave me some thoughts having read why you chose your username. At the moment you feel that there is ‘nothing there’ but if there was something there what would that mean to you?
Not everybody’s relationship survives the addiction to gamble but I have found that those who have survived have some of the most successful relationships I know. You don’t have to answer this but I wonder how old your husband is. Sometimes it seems there has to be enough damage behind before the CG realises that it is their addiction that is hurting them and those around them.
As I have said previously I cannot tell you what to do but I do know that chasing after a CG is as useless as them chasing after their debts – nothing changes until someone stops and I think the non-CG, with knowledge, can stop their old behaviour and confuse the addiction.. Both chases are futile but when this is realised and accepted, in my opinion, it time to do something different. Running in the other direction is an option. Learning about the addiction and how it works, – putting the non-CG in the driving seat of their life is another option – it was mine.
For the past two years, I would imagine that you have had your husband’s addictive behaviour and gambling filling your mind and the more it fills, the less time there is for you. By looking after yourself and putting your interests first you change the status quo – you are refusing to live with the addiction controlling you – instead of running after it you are confronting it without words.
Your husband’s mind has been filling itself with addiction so it controls him. It is important to realise that we cannot stop a CG gambling – they need the right treatment to help them tip some of that addiction out to leave room for decent thoughts and love. We have had CGs change their lives on this site, there are dedicated counsellors, rehabs and GA. CGs can and do help each other when they decide to dedicate their lives to being gamble free. You felt guided here and you are understood – your husband might need similar guidance t where he is understood. I have no idea why my CG decided, at the time he did, that he had had enough – I know we were estranged but he had made a rare phone call and I mentioned Gordon House – the rehab in the UK. Two and half hours later he was applying and his roller coaster began to grind to a halt after 25 years.
At the top of this page click on to ‘Resources’ and in ‘Location’ scroll down to ‘world’. Click ‘Gambling help’ and then ‘Search’. Scroll down to ‘Gamblers anonymous – Twenty Questions’. Most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least seven of these questions. In my opinion most members who have lived with the compulsion to gamble will also be able to answer yes to at leave seven of those questions. Maybe you could print them off – maybe he will read them and realize he is not alone – I hope it will help him realize that you are seeking help and treating his addiction seriously even if he is not. I think it is not good to thrust them on the CG but to leave them where he will see them – to thrust them is to confront and the addiction will take control.
Hope some of this helps. Ask any questions you like and I will do my best.