First of all, welcome to this website and well done on your first post: it is the hardest. I can relate to ‘not knowing where to start’ as so much has happened in the past years, and you have done well in describing how you feel. As you might have read in other posts on this site, we are all learning about the addiction and in that – speaking for myself – I realize that the most important person to take care of now is *me* (and my little son). The addiction does not care about anybody, just to get cash to gamble. Like you, I felt destroyed and the terrible nonsense lies added to this sense of destruction. Thanks to this website we (my hb and me) have learned a lot about compulsive gamblers and the way to handle things, we are just at the beginning of a long road ahead, that’s just how it is. Dear MMZ-my little bit of advice is: read other posts on this site and you will know that you are not alone. Joining the chat groups (top right corner of the screen for the *****) has also helped me. Take care and write more soon! Sending over a cyberhug, Berber.