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Hi Colleen, and welcome to GT!
Thank God you have found this place in time, because, believe me,as bad as things seem to be for you now, they CAN get worse!
Compulsive gambling is a progressive disease and our lives can pass by denying this or denying that we are CGS.
From the first time I put money in a slot machine. I knew I had a problem. I knew I had formed a sick bond with this stranger and I knew that all I would ever get for my faithfulness, was abuse and gief! Yet I continued to convince myself that this was the life for me.
I gradually put gambling before my family, my friends,(not before my work) my health, my beliefs until  I came to the point , in May 2008, when I was refused any further loans from my bank. On that day, I was frantically searching the internet for some lending agency, any ‘shark’, who would supply me with further ammunition to feed my ‘craving lover’, when by chance, I found this site….
I thought I had it made. No turning back. No more gambling. No more worries. No more fears. My burden was lifted…………
But that wasn’t quite how it worked out Colleen! My dreams /nightmares didn’t end as soon as I woke up, as a matter of fact some of my nightmares only began then…
You see Colleen, gambling leaves a trail of destruction behind it. The gambling legacy is cruel and mean. Recovery is about far more tan giving up gambling. We learn that the hard way. We fall. We rise. We hope. We despair. But the secret FOR ME, is NEVER SURRENDER….never give up hope!
For you, for me. for everybody here, there is a better life ahead.
Tonight, as I type these words, part of me ( the sick part , and yes, it is a sickness), would like nothing better, than to escape into the world of flashing lights and bells and buzzers and bars and sevens and quick fix remedies for all I need to escape from and forget that I am A CG……
The alter ego, the recovering me must  and it is a daily decision, must keep telling myself….just for today I cannot/will not gamble…
Keep posting!
God Bless!