#2539
dadda
Participant

Hi. First, thanks for moving the newer post. I guess it would be nice as a diary entry, from the first to what’s been going on.
Second, I will have to read the reponses again in a bit. I just woke up. My sleep has been messed up from having to stay up all night twice the past week forworking and I have been sort of feverishly trying to get things done as a realtor is cheduled to come by. The Court ordered the house to be sold. I looked around quite a while ago and there are many small repairs and stuff that have needed to be done. Some I know how to or have attempted and others I’ve just hit up against frustration.
Since the Court ordered the sale (which he previously has blocked and fought), there’s a chance I suppose, that I might be able to get some small chunk of money and be able to go. In a somewhat sensible fashion. I hope and I pray so. I will probably post more in  a little  bit, when I can think and type coherently. I just ran across this article http://www.cnsspectrums.com/aspx/articledetail.aspx?articleid=1162 recently and it is so true; I have ended up, with a bit of artful manipulation of facts, to look like the crazy one. Or a nag … not someone who actually is intelligent enough to know that what has been going on CAN’T work. Wasn’t sure where all th emoney was going for the longest time, but basic math and accounting, I am more than capable.
The other things I read recently: a report on Indiana state spending a whopping $36.19 per problem gambler in FY 2009. What a return they are getting on "THEIR" money. In fact, I found out about a savings program that would have matched whatever funds I cold put in with some state and Federal funds, back when I was proactively trying to figure a way out of here. I haven’t had a $100extra to start that; the other day I had to transfer the last $100 (again) to my checking as I was overdrawn and needed gas … leaving me a grand total of $3 in savings. I’m feeling pretty betrayed, since it cost about $8.000 to "protect" me and our children over the last two years …. $450/month OVER my "normal expenses" (and most of those consisting of paying down previous divorce debt, etc). I’ve found some things the attorney COULD HAVE recommended that would have been much more cost effective to me … such as I could have requested to be his representative payee as well as my daughter’s (which was turned down, though I had custody, when he circumvented that and said, he was paying the bills and should have the money.) I guess I should have appealed the Social Security decision, as I trusted the attorney, and don’t know what I have "spent" but over two years later, I have yet to see a dime and it will come slowly, through garnishing his part time wages. The "legal system" doesn’t care and they OBVIOUSLY have NO understanding of FACTS. The state has NOTHING to offer other than "coping". I know how to COPE mostly, it involves distancing oneself from bad or dangerous situations. Not staying in them and performing mental gymnastics with the facts.
But what I read besides was a story I found online, "Cinderblock walls" at  http://www.bookrix.com/library.html?submitted1=1&search=spencer. The character married a man who seemed alright at first. But he soon started putting "condition" on their relationship and soon admitted he had a large gambling debt that pre-dated their marriage. The wife was so hopeful, because he had "come clean" that it took me, as it took  the character, a while to realize the "perfect set-up". The character went to work on paying down the debt, moving back to  the state she’d practiced law in before. She only opted for a gym membership and something else (fairly trivial) besides the rental room she called "home". But eventually, it hit me that this guy wasn’t married; he’d merely found a patsy to provide him with money, giving up her own life and future to fix the problem he’d so "courageously" revealed. I guess it’s shaken me A LOT to know how well-hidden this gambling has been. And to have been negatively subjected to "authorities" who never seem to look at more than one fact at a time. To fit the FACTS into place myself and turn again … and the "authorities" still claim no responsibility and no suggestions. ANd seriously, the thing that bothers ME, THE MOST, id that another truly avoidable tragedy DUE TO out of control gambling WILL BE LOST, covered over in another "no fault divorce". 
I can’t help but think of how much exposure there’s been, inthe past 15 years, to the mental/physical heath systems, legal (police and Court AS WELL AS two involuntary commitments of ME, one with judicial warrant) and so on … and then, the gambling … all activities regulated and permitted, even licensed through the state. However, the state is refusing to acknowledge or even look at the interactions and see how they have contributed to "the state of affairs" today. And their definition of harm: does not include financial devastation? This whole situation is crazy, where before I had almost accepted that it might really be me who was … that is sort of scary, like the story I read (and don’t know how much of that is drawn from truth) … I could be in a "loony bin" or sitting, taking ***** for a condition I don’t have, all because I crossed a pathological gambler whose pathology extends well into personality disorder territory, from what I can tell.
There HAS TO be a means to get the truth "out there" but I have not found it … yet.