#1931
nomore 56
Participant

Hi Thunder, you have certainly come to the right place to find support. Your story is mine and our story is that of all the other f&f of compulsive gamblers here on this site and out there all over the world. I guess we all start by taking what our gambler is doing and saying as very personal. I did too. It took me a long time to realize that it was actually the addiction and not my hb who was destroying his life and also mine and our daughter’s. Addiction is a concept, not tied to a certain substance or behavior. Many addicts replace one addiction with another because they still need the rush, the relief, the escape or whatever it is that is driving them. The counselor was right, he will work on his recovery when he is willing and ready. In other words, begging, ultimatums, threats, nothing will “make” him stop. The addiction will do whatever it takes to stay alive and well. You will find lots of emotional support here, so I just want to suggest some things you can do right now to make sure that you and the kids are financially safe, which is very important when you start this journey on the slippery slope of gambling addiction. Does anybody else know about this? Maybe you can find support from a family member or a trusted friend? It would be a great idea to find a GamAnon meeting where you feel comfortable. The most important people right now are you and your children. You are the only functioning parent right now and they need you to be strong. Take his name of any joint accounts you have. Open your own if necessary. Same goes for all credit cards. Pull both your credit records to get an idea, how much debt he might have accumulated without you knowing it. Make sure that you pay all the bills and that he has no access to any money, like savings or whatever you guys have. It would be good if you could take some kind of an inventory of where you stand right now. What do you want to happen? What are you willing to take and where do you see your rock bottom? Maybe you can come up with a plan for what will happen if push comes to shove because it is vital that you NEVER threaten him with anything you are not willing to go through with. I did that for years and looking back I have to agree with Freud, who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome each time, smart man he was..lol. I live in the Tacoma area in WA and am wondering if you would like my contact info just in case? I don’t really know if I can include that in a post here but maybe Velvet can answer that question when she replies to you? OR has a council on problem gambling as far as I know and it is a great resource for any kind of information for your area. I think your situation is not hopeless since your hb knows about recovery already and seems to be aware that gambling is a huge problem is his life. My thoughts are with you, girl! 🙂