I have brought two threads to the top of this forum that I think will be helpful to you – they were for me and still are. One is the ‘The F&F Cycle’ and the other is ‘How do you react when they gamble?’.
I hope you will read your thread over and over. A lot has been said to you that may not sink in or make sense the first time you read it, but you most likely will glean something new from subsequent readings. Kathryn’s perspective as a CG in recovery is priceless and I am so glad she posted here for you.
I want to share something now that Velvet said in her first post to me on my thread. When I first read it I was disappointed and skeptical and could not imagine even considering the words for my situation and where my state of mind was at the time. However, it was not until I accepted their credence that I began to heal and was able open my mind and start implementing real coping skills in dealing with my husband’s addiction. I hope you will thoughtfully consider these words for yourself:
“I don’t know whether you know the words of ‘Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow’ but I hope they help."
"There are two days in every week about which we should not worry; two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension "
"One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Al the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot ***** a single word we said. Yesterday is gone."
"The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control."
"Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is as yet unborn."
"This leaves only one day – TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities – yesterday and tomorrow – that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME."
— 9/2/2013 3:10:43 AM: post edited by adele.