Shelly, I asked that same question when I first came to this site. Before (and even after) I realized that I was dealing with a compulsive gambler, I would react very negatively to disappearing money. Who wouldn’t right? Unlike you I did not know the money was going to feed a gambling debt, I thought it was going to support a dying business. So naturally I would be mad at him for taking family funds and more often then not an argument would happen. Even after I realized the money was going to gambling I got upset. I thought since he confessed to me that he was gambling and he was going to GA that the problem (gambling) would just stop. Unfortunately for us that’s not the way it happened. I have had my ups and downs as to dealing with it. What I did first was to secure us financially. I took his name off of anything important i.e. checking, savings accounts and made sure he had access to little to no money. Right now he has to ask me to transfer money to his checking account and I only will transfer *** $15. That’s enough to cover lunch, coffee etc but not enough to allow him to take cash out of an atm. Emotionally it has been a roller coaster…I think finally I am in a good place. I pretty much ignore any behavior that is not positive. If he gambles, I just shut him out. I’ve told him repeatedly I would not be a part of the addiction drama and I am finally showing him that with actions just not words. It’s hard. Because even though you are ignoring him, the addiction still hurts you. And like you said you feel ALONE. That is the worst part for me…is the aloneness. I have two kids but they are getting older and more involved in their own social lives leaving me with more time on my hands. So I am filling the void with furniture!!! I like to restore old pieces that no one wants…this weekend I reupholstered a side chair and feel really proud of myself. Anywhoo I digress…I think Anger has to be the worst way to deal with the addiction at least it was for me. The angrier I got the more confrontational things became. It was a downward spiral. I did tell him that just because I said nothing when he would get his hands on money and gamble did not mean I was ok with it. Gambling was something I was not acknowledging. I’m not sure if any of that helps or makes sense. It didn’t for me at first either. It’s been a process to get to this point and I am proud of where I am at. I hope now that he will catch up with me….eventually.
