#1441
monique
Participant

Hi Lolly
I note you use the word ‘naively’ to describe the way you are hoping that your partner will recognize his problem and stop gambling.
I don’t want to sound alarmist, but I feel I should say that ‘naive’ is not good in relation to gambling addiction.  I am NOT judging you – I think all of us who love a gambler have been ‘naive’ about the addiction – after all, we know the person and   all the good things about them; we also perhaps know their vulnerabilities and other struggles in life, so we tend to be sympathetic, non-critical and helpful.
But, because the addiction thrives on secrecy and lies and the gambler acts in ways that are very different from the way he would be if not addicted, family members and partners have to learn to cope with very disappointing revelations and to become scrupulously honest within our own minds.  It can feel horrible facing the full truth.  But this is where support from others can really help you through.  It may feel very hard to put aside ‘easy hope’ in order to strive for a more realistic, long-term hopefulness.
And once again, you can take action to make your own future more hopeful – that is the most vital thing for you.  Your partner must take the ultimate responsibility for his life, current and future.
Take courage.
Monique