What a rollercoaster of a day! I understand that for things to be different it is easier for me to change than my cg son, who has to want to change. So today I’ve tried to stay strong and ‘do’ things differently to normal. I’ve had my answers ready, turned to the group therapy (thank you Velvet) and the advice line (thank you Harry) for support and advice to get me through a really tough day. I’ve been on the receiving end of blame shifting (ooo everything in his life is my fault today!), threats to kill himself, verbal abuse and worst mother in the world quotes and how useless I am. I’ve not sent him any money or paid for anything. So as far as I know he has no place to stay tonight, no money, no food, no nothing but it’s his choice. He chose to leave a roof over his head, job and food today. I’ve chosen to turn off my phone, involve my partner in everything and bat away his abuse. I’m taking each hour by hour so slowly a whole day will have disappeared. One day at a time.
I’ve just read this by Ryanlee on another forum and to ‘hear’ it from a different prespective I am finding very insightful and helps me to keep strong, so thank you for sharing…
‘Then there’s my family, also unaware and wouldn’t understand this awful disease. I have borrowed more money off my parents in previous years than I can remember. Both my parents don’t have amazingly well paid jobs but have always supported me in the best way they can. But, as ever, I took the **** and made them take out loans during my university days to cover my tuition fees or student accommodation fees which I had probably blown on fruit machines and online gambling.’
We will do anything to ‘help’ our children but we are not helping them. I have to keep reminding myself of this, so as the evening comes to an end, goodnight my son, keep safe and I love you xx