Hi San.
Just saying *****. 
I am also the mother of a gambler although he is currently living quite a long way away and not getting very involved with me.  It is difficult trying to get to grips with this horrible addiction and its effects on the cg and the family and not always easy to know how to cope.  But ultimately, we do learn to look after ourselves and make our own separation from the addiction (whatever that means for each individual).
You have been coping with your own illness and facing mortality, so you certainly need self-care and hopefully others are also caring for you.  I think you are right to go more with your ‘gut’ feelings rather than ‘thinking too hard’.  Sometimes our bodies and intuition are very good teachers if we know how to listen to them.
Maybe we will meet in a group sometime.
I send you love and all good wishes,
Monique xxKeep hope alive.