Hi Velvet, thank you for your concern, thoughts and support. This week has been very interesting and I will try to get to another ‘friends and family’ group to update. I feel if I blurt out everything on here, he will one day see it, and the ‘beast’ is about at the moment.
I don’t think he likes how the gambling affects his life but I also don’t think he wants to do anything to stop it .. yet. I can see things coming to a head very soon and he may well reach his rock bottom.
I understand I can change the way I react to him and his situations. I have good days (when I am strong and will not/do not send him money) and what I will call ‘weak’ days (when I fall for his hard luck stories). I would love to get to the point of being strong all the time. I also realise this inconsistency is not good for either of us. When I am strong I am very strong but it takes alot of my energy, which is in short supply at the moment. We either talk on the phone, text or via facebook chat.
He has now left his sibling’s home and I can feel the relief on her part. It is like she has been set free. He has now been through all our relatives and there is no where else to go. If his recent venture falls through, I doubt any of them will house him again. It seems to me they have cut him out of their lives and I believe, this is at the cause of some of his problems, rejection.
Having my health problems has taught me to live in the present, what has gone, has gone, and to waste energy on what will be is just that a waste of energy I don’t have. I am trying to adopt this principal in this case too and trying to stay with the present. I’ve just read a thread about someone reaching rock bottom and some of the replies from others who had been there really helped. When I was in an abusive marriage I had to reach a rock bottom point to get out of it, but I did and with the help of someone was able to change some old belief systems running in me and replace them with positive ones. I am a completely different person now compared to then. However, the mother/son bond is so strong and when I am strong with him I feel a real sense of abandoning him/rejection but I have to be strong for both of us. I’m babbling now so will stop. I hope to get to a group soon. Thank you once again. x