Hi Babz
I’m glad you caught me before I closed the group. It was good to speak to you. 
I will reply to your post thoroughly in the morning but for now I hope it helps to know that you are in the right place where there is no judgement – only understanding.
It takes time to take everything in and you have had a dreadful experience. Your father in law is completely out of order and his bullying of you might explain some of his son’s problems although it doesn’t excuse his addiction.
Your husband cannot trust himself so don’t worry that you cannot trust him – it is better not to do so. Sadly it is impossible to tell what a CG really feels when their mind is distorted with addiction but keep posting and hopefully we can get your strength back and the self-esteem that will have been taken from you. 
You are stronger than your husband because you don’t own the addiction – he does. He is controlled and you are not. He lacks rationale and logic – you do not. It is easy to say ‘don’t listen to his father’ but I know it is hard not to do so. You ‘know’ you are a good mother and I hope you know and believe that your husband’s addiction is not your fault in any way at all. 
When you don’t know what to do, stand still for a while and listen. You will make your own informed decisions when you are ready.
Velvet xx